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closeSaints and sinners: Expanding life’s horizons is the key to living a happy life
Wayner Keller / guest columnist
Johnny Paycheck has this line in one of his songs: “I can’t recall a time in my life when I’ve been as lonely as I am right now.”
Well, have you ever been lonely, blue? Probably.
So what are you willing to do about it?
Years ago, I found myself in a dark, lonely pit. I knew immediately what to do. I bought myself a new suit. Did it lift me out of my despair? No! I offer other possibilities.
Have a thorough physical exam by your physician, chiropractor, naturopath, or any other healer you trust. Discover if your loneliness, which no doubt includes depression, is clinically or situationally based. If chemically based, a proper prescription may help. I have a pastor-friend who has been chronically depressed for 30 years. No medication has helped. If your loneliness is based on your present situation, begin to change your behavior. For two-and-one-half years, I worked with recovering psychotics. So long as they stayed on their meds, they lived a normal life. If they did not, they repeated their unhealthy behavior until their death.
In my own book, “Achieving and Receiving Intimacy,” I insist that our greatest fear is not rejection, but intimacy, which leads to rejection. For example, if I reveal too much of myself, to you, even in marriage, how will you respond? I’ve lost track of the number of people who have said, “If I am completely open to you, reveal the truth of myself to you, warts and all, you won’t like me, let alone love me.” Obviously, we, in advance, have decided how the other person will respond. We can lock our self into such a prison forever because we choose security over risk-taking. We humans have those two choices.
So, for those who are willing to make life a venture, rather than a prison, I offer some additional suggestions. Ed Lindaman, former president of Whitworth University, and one of the designers of the Apollo Moon Project promised, “If we can think it, we will do it.” That sounds healthy for human relationships also.
Lonely people do have choices. The can become chronic complainers. When they do, I ask, “How often do you return to the scene of the whine?” We can sit around forever and wait for someone to call, or write, or send an e-mail, or ring our doorbell; or we can take the initiative. For the latter group, select one different person each day for a month and initiate some kind of communication. Invite someone to a movie or a walk in the park, an espresso or a ball game. Spend a couple of hours in a convalescent home and get permission to bring your pet animal. Use your imagination. Ask a friend to help you get started.
I conclude with this quote from psychiatrist Gerald G. May in Addiction and Grace: “I am convinced that all human beings have an inborn desire for God. Whether we are consciously religious or not, this desire is our deepest longing and our most precious treasure. . . . Regardless of how we describe it, it is a longing for love. It is a hunger to love, to be loved, and to move closer to the Source of love. This yearning is the essence of the human spirit.”